Here are the results of a contest we called “MAGNET asks people what they think is the best cameo performance by a musician in a feature film.” We received hundreds of entries and we learned a lot. Such as: Flea has been in way too many movies. Stop it, Flea. We also learned that many of you have seen the movies Singles, The Big Lebowski and Half-Baked. We don’t have to wonder what that says about our demographic.

About the criteria (which was not very well-specified; we just kind of assumed everyone shares our opinions on what a “cameo,” “musician” and “feature film” are): A band performing a song in a movie could be considered a cameo—it’s cool to see Ween play in It’s Pat, or Yo La Tengo as a Velvet Underground-type band in I Shot Andy Warhol—but that struck us as too easy. And to the guy whose entry was “Brad Pitt on Friends,” we’re baffled they let you sit at a computer. So the winners were based on obscurity, originality (there were some duplicate entries, in which case the first response won), pertinence to the film’s plot and factors such as irony and comedy.

And the winners are...

John Doe as Jake Gyllenhall’s father in The Good Girl.

Michael Penn as a studio engineer in Boogie Nights.

Lyle Lovett as a pastry chef in Short Cuts.

Paul Simon in Annie Hall.

Ethel Merman as Lt. Hurwitz in Airplane!.
Ted Striker: It’s Lieutenant Hurwitz. Severe shell-shock. Thinks he’s Ethel Merman.
Lt. Hurwitz: [singing] You’ll be swell, you’ll be great! Gonna have the whole world on a plate! Startin’ here, startin’ now! Honey, everything’s comin’ up roses ...
Ted Striker: War is hell.

Bo Diddley in Trading Places. “In Philadelphia it’s worth fifty bucks.”

David Crosby running away from a fire in the opening scene in Backdraft.

Lou Reed as the smarmy record producer in Paul Simon’s One Trick Pony.

Frank Zappa as a critic in the Monkees movie Head.

Aimee Mann as a German nihilist in The Big Lebowski.

Alice Cooper in Wayne’s World
Wayne: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I’m a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Pete: Hey, isn’t “Milwaukee” an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it’s pronounced “mill-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land.”
Wayne: I was not aware of that.

Someboy asked the question “Did the band Cameo ever make a cameo?” which deserves a prize simply for being asked.

This won, too, for purely political reasons: How about George Bush as Frankenstein’s monster? He’d be saying something like, “Arrrgh, Saddam, come to George, arrrgh arrrrrgh.” Too bad Saddam can’t see he just wants to hug him.