Frightened Rabbit bandleader Scott Hutchison knew that he was sinking into an abyss—mentally, emotionally, even spiritually—after the 2013 release of Pedestrian Verse, the Scottish group’s breakthrough album. But he couldn’t gauge the true depth of his situation until he began seeing his followers in a dreary new light. But the singer finally got help, from some rather unusual sources. All of which led to the fifth Frightened Rabbit epistle—the aptly dubbed Painting Of A Panic Attack, produced by the National’s Aaron Dessner. Hutchison and his bandmates—Grant Hutchison, Billy Kennedy, Andy Monaghan and Simon Liddell—will be guest editing magnetmagazine.com all week. Read our new feature.
Liddell: “Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining, is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. Goddamn.”
Thor Harris (supremely talented and well-loved percussionist of Swans/Shearwater, etc.) said it best in his oft-shared golden rules of touring from 2010 entitled How To Tour In A Band Or Whatever. He lists 21 in total, but number one has always resonated most with me: “Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. Goddamn.”
It’s not an original concept, and definitely not one that is limited to those who have chosen a career on the touring circuit, but minor gripes can so easily become magnified when aired within the confines of a splitter van/tour bus/stressful festival changeover/shared hotel room. Within the Frightened Rabbit touring party, both band and crew, everyone generally subscribes to this mantra faithfully, and if they stray, are promptly and ruthlessly called out for it.
Moaning can masquerade under various guises. Often mistaken for a boast, worn like a badge of honour and sometimes inflated for impact: “We did, like, 30 shows over three days straight at SXSW with only Adderall and BBQ,” or, “Yeah, it was a heavy tour. I was so constantly fucked up I ended up with shingles/gout/TB/chlamydia/all of the above (delete where appropriate).” This common patter relates also to number five on Thors list: “5. If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you … a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.”
Of course, it’s not realistic to demand everyone on tour to be constantly floating, euphoric, smiling from ear to ear. Ever since people decided they didn’t want to pay for music anymore, artists have no option but to embark on potentially grueling tour schedules, just to pay the rent on a shitty flat they are barely even in. But that makes Thor’s 21 Commandments even more relevant than ever. Did I just start moaning? Fuck.
Moods can swing, peaks and troughs can seem more severe when you find yourself thousands of miles and several months away from home, but it can help to remind yourself you are doing what you have worked hard for and been very fortunate to have had the chance to do. Which rounds us off nicely with Thor’s final rule: “21. Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.”
Cheers to you, Thor.
Full original text:
How To Tour In A Band Or Whatever
by Thor Harris
1-Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.
2-If you fart, claim it.
3-Don’t lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.
4-Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you … a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
6-Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
7-Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
8-Masturbate. Duh … Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?
9-If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
10-Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.
13-Driver picks the music.
14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
16-Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
17-Clean up after yourself. What are you … a goddamn toddler?
18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
19-Fast food is Poison.
20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
21-Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
This list was written under the influence of lots of esspresso & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such greats as Shearwater, Swans, Smog, Lisa Germano, Angels of Light, Bill Callahan & many more. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the list by Jordan Geiger, Kimberly Burke, Brian Orloff, Brian Phillips Celebrity Gang Bang, Kevin Schneider, Jonathan Meiburg, Michael Gira and some other folks.
Thanks for not being an asshole, Thor Harris
