Paying The Interns (A Visit)

ryan-2366bA paid internship? Hahahahaha! Who do you think we are, skilled laborers? This is the publishing industry. Senior Editor Matthew Fritch takes valuable time away from interviewing important people and creative artists to give face time to intern Ryan Ruth.

You work at Capogiro, which is (no lie) the best gelato place in the city and possibly on the East Coast. Tell us all about that and don’t leave out the good stuff (coke-addicted coworkers, swiping cash from the registers, etc.)
I’m not sure what I can reveal, honestly. I signed a confidentiality agreement. But I can tell you a few things. First and foremost, you might want to insert the best in the country. I mean, hello, we have Oprah coverage. And Rachael Ray did a piece on us, apparently. I’ve not seen, but heard of that. As far as coworkers go, we’re your average run-of-the-mill baristas. All good-looking (bulimic), fun (addicted to meth) and flirt for tips (whores).

What flavor gelato would MAGNET be?
I’d say MAGNET is bittersweet chocolate. The most popular flavor of gelato we have, everyone seems to love it. Personally, I can only take small doses of it (i.e., intense mailing of back-issue orders, CD sorting, the works). It can be a bit too rich for some people, but overall, it’s still a crowd-pleaser. It does stain my clothes at the end of the night, and it haunts me in my sleep. [Cut it out. I make the jokes here.—ed.]

I got you on the guest list for two Kevin Devine shows and you never wrote live reviews of the shows. So now you have to tell me why you like Kevin Devine so much; honestly, I just don’t see it.
Ouch, attacked left and right here. School was busy, life was busy. I love his music, that’s not a secret. I don’t know.

This is like pulling teeth. Tell me one thing you like about Kevin Devine’s music. Are you sure you’re a journalism major?
Kevin Devine plays from his heart. His music has really changed the more he puts his hand to it, and he’s even getting political recently. “Love Me I’m A Liberal” was a funny way of hyping up the election, and “Bag Of Bones” is this push for change in the way we live our lives. It’s almost apocalyptic. [It sure does sound like the apocalypse: all that burning and dying. —ed.] I can listen to his music for hours on end, and I can’t say that about everyone. It’s hard to write a review when you don’t want to gush. And when he’s opening at Johnny Brenda’s and no one seems to stop talking during his set.

I heard you went out drinking for Interns’ Night Out and ordered a Cape Codder. What, were they all out of Midori Sours and Peach Bellinis?
Well, what can I say? Is it my fault that I’m classier than everyone else? I don’t really drink! [Yeah, me neither. —ed.] So I ordered a vodka cranberry. I wasn’t expecting there to be repercussions for this action. A real man can drink whatever [You mean “whenever,” right? —ed.] he wants.

You know who couldn’t make it out that night? Greg the Intern*. Poor kid is probably still down in the basement. Why do you hate him so much?
Greg deserves everything he gets. Maybe if he fetched the back issues of magazines and helped me out every once in a while, I could have done the same. Instead, that is my cue, when every effing week, I walk into the office to find that no one else has restocked back issues, and I must make the four trips to the basement and back carrying pounds upon pounds of magazines. You are welcome, MAGNET readers. [Both of you. —ed.] You are welcome.

Why can’t you be more in awe of the privilege of being a MAGNET intern? You know, like Kenneth the NBC page on 30 Rock?
Hey! I loved being a MAGNET intern, but I’m certainly not going to take it easy on you guys. Now, if you want to pay me some cash, like the actor paid to be an intern on 30 Rock, maybe we can talk.

Where did you come from, anyway?
And now I’m going to get shit for where I came from. York, Pa. I grew up in the inner-city parts but went to schools all around the area. Someone once told me that back in the day, York was the acid capital of the East Coast. I also spent a year of my life (unfortunately) in Dover, Pa., where as recently as five years ago they taught creationism in school. Riiiighhhhtttt. From now on, I’m from Philadelphia. That’s all you need to know.

You know who’s from York? The band Live. The lead singer’s little brother lived next to me in the dorms at Temple. Do you know any famous people or relatives of famous people? Who’s the most famous person you’ve met (besides me)?
Do I know any famous people … Hmmm … I’m going to have to say no. I’m from an inbred family in York. [Redundant. —ed.] Did you realize that Live never really returned to York? Yeah, everyone wants out. The most famous person I’ve met would be Chad from New Found Glory. Now, before you say another effing word, it wasn’t on Warped Tour. And it was in high school. My taste in music has changed since. Though I still have a spot in my heart for New Found Glory. The hilarity ensues.

Your internship is over, sadly. But we’re sure you learned a lot in the mailroom. Here’s your final quiz: Tell me the zip codes for Hartford, Conn., Athens, Ga., and Santa Clara, Calif. No Googling.
I cannot tell you those zip codes. I do remember the international code for the U.K. is 1, and the international code for Canada is 6, and the international code for New Zealand is somewhere around 30 or 33. [Like I’m going to check those answers! —ed.] As far as individual states, I’m unsure, but my fingers still bleed from the renewal letter/envelope escapade. Again, you are welcome. [Get off the cross. We need the wood for the fire. —ed.]

Who’s the best dancer in the MAGNET office?
I don’t believe I’ve gotten the privilege to find this out. If any of the other interns have, I’m jealous. I can tell you who touches you most inappropriately … Kidding.

*Notes were found in the mailroom from “Greg The Intern” a few months ago. Apparently, he is the forgotten intern who is trapped in the basement of our office building and is very close to death. Police are currently investigating the matter. Greg has received an incomplete for his internship.

This entry was posted in NEWS. Bookmark the permalink. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.