In an apparent ongoing effort to spay and neuter “indie rock” and remove all pretense of coolness from a now-useless genre name in order to market it to mall-crawling fucks and undiscerning music fans, the clueless herd of pantywaists at Paste have published An Indie Rock Alphabet Book.
“Whether 4 or 44, kids and parents alike will enjoy the rhyming A-Z guide to some wonderful musical artists, from Animal Collective and Over the Rhine to Tom Waits and The Zombies.”
Parents, let us warn you that it is a slippery slope from the time your toddler says “V is for Vampire Weekend” and the eventual reality of an underage fauxhawk/Sparks in the sippy cup/body modification/roller derby participation/crust-punk lifestyle/appearance on A&E’s Intervention/getting born again/death (or worse, a subscription to Paste).
For funsies, let’s do the “inappropriate uncle” alphabet:
A is for Anal Cunt
B is for Butthole Surfers
C is for Christian Death
D is for Dicks
E is for Eyehategod
F is for Fucked Up
G is for Goblin Cock
H is for Harry Pussy
J is for Jon Cougar Concentration Camp
L is for Lubricated Goat
M is for My Dad Is Dead
N is for Nashville Pussy
P is for Pussy Galore
Q is for Queers [Being queer, in and of itself, is not offensive. We know. Q is hard.—ed.]
R is for Rapeman
S is for Supreme Dicks
T is for Throbbing Gristle
V is for Vomit Launch
Z is for Zip Code Rapists
We’re tired from being angry. We need I, K, O, U, W, X and Y. Suggestions?
